Thursday, February 21, 2008

Here We Are

We are here. We are quiet. Quiet and contemplative, I think. Reality is setting in. The road into the valley narrows and deepens, at least for me. Two months. It seems like it has been so long since I've talked to Annette, and yet it seems so fast. Two months can seems like such polar opposites; so fast and yet a lifetime ago. The same can be said for Grief. Some days (some moments...), it is managable and the large picture is so evident. Other moments, it is heavy and never ending. The light at the end of the tunnel seems like a pin-point at best. I am learning to ride the waves and experience each emotion as it comes. Because I feel good today, does not ensure I'll feel that way tomorrow. Because I feel so down today, does not mean I'll feel that way tomorrow. Such is the journey we travel.

I am an avid reader and have read several books on grief. It is good that someone has charted this journey for me and told me which landmarks to look for. I find that immensely helpful. I like knowing what to expect, although I know everyone grieves differently. I take hope and comfort in knowing I am not the first to travel the road.

Someone close to me shared an analogy of her grief. To her, grief is like a cloak. Some days it is a heavy cloak to bear, ever present and cumbersome. Other days, it is like a light spring cloak, still there, but easy to carry. I long for the days when the spring cloak will be on my back on the majority of my days.

We continue to covet your prayers more than ever as the journey becomes more difficult. Your friendship and love help carry us through and help to lighten our cloaks.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa and family, thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. We are continuing to read when you do, and continuing to pray daily for strength as you walk this road called grief. Many blessings to you and your family, to Tom and his boys and to your Dad. With Love, Yvonne

Lisa Lily's mommy said...

Lisa and family, Tom, Kurtis and Ryan - I keep you all in my prayers daily.... No words can ease the pain, but know that me and Lily are praying for you all.... I took a live in nanny position for Anne who passed away almost 2 years ago (she was from the T21 board) and although I do not know the grief first hand - I see how painful it can be and know the journey is a never ending one with twists and turns and ups and downs.... Lily and I send hugs and strength your way. Annette was such a beautiful and amazing lady that it is no wonder she is missed so much....

Hugs to you all!

Lisa and Lily

Betsy said...

Lisa,

Annette continues to be a very big part of so many of us at the T21 community, and we are very grateful to you for keeping us close to her and her family.

Every time I see the picture of the two of you, it takes my breath away - you look identical to one another.

I can't imagine how it must feel - as I am often in disbelief that she is really gone, and I knew her from a distance.

Your family is always in our prayers.

Kitty, Nathanael's Mom said...

Lisa, thank you for continuing with this blog. I wish I could put to words what my heart feels. As humans we're ill-equipped to do that.

I am so torn, I'm so grateful that Annette no longer has to suffer and I'm grateful that we had her in our lives, no matter how short.

But my heart can help but hurt for those closest and dearest. When I weep i feel this comfort, hear this gentle, soft, woman's voice saying "shhh don't cry..it's ok"

But my heart still hurts. Ryan will have his first birthday without his Mom, there will be other occasions and events marked as the "first without Mom". It's a cruel twist of life sometimes.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers and though I never met Annette, I miss her so terribly much.

Anonymous said...

Dear, Dear Lisa,
I echo the words of the other posts as I say 'Thank you'. Thank you for sharing your journey, as difficult and varied it may be. Know that we continue to lift you and your family, Uncle Gordon and Tom and the boys, and all those who were (and are) so profoundly affected by Annette both in her life and her death. I miss Annette.
Love, Alice

luvmypeanut said...

I have to say Ditto to Betsy's post. She is still such a part of us at T21! And I really do love having you as a part of it now too!

I wish I could ease your pain, travel some of the road for you, but alas, we're all meant to travel it for ourselves. Please know that I am always here for you and thinking of you all!

Mauzy said...

I love you as a Tri21 sister and know Annette is so proud of you carrying the torch of information, love and Tri21friendship.

thank you so much Lisa

Nicole said...

Lisa, prayers that as the weather warms you will feel Annette lifting your heavy cloak and replacing it with one that is more bearable. Much love!

Anonymous said...

Hi: I've read your blog on and off for awhile. I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I hope you and the kids are doing okay. Things will look up in time.
-Jill