Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Back again...

This round wasn't bad either... not quite as good as the previous one, but by all my standards, a "good" one. It's interesting how I rate them now....compare them to previous chemos and figure out how to improve how I feel. My little science experiments, I guess!

This one was a bit harder emotionally though. It's been one year now since I started chemo. March 20, 2006 was the day I received my first chemo. This isn't an anniversary I'm going to celebrate! 14 chemos later, I'm still going through it. That kind of hit home this chemo and it's been a struggle for me emotionally. I mean, I'm obviously happy I'm still alive... but it's been a horrible year and this chemo is wearing me down. It's tough to go through chemo month after month knowing that you're going to feel horrible for one week out of every four.

I also hate what this is doing to Kurtis. He's starting to show fears of things he's never been afraid of. When we flew to Florida, he was terrified to fly because he was afraid of crashing. He remembered a discussion we had a long time ago about 9-11 and the planes that crashed that day. Last night, he had a headache (after a long day of skiing in warm weather with sunlight reflecting off the snow - not surprising!). He happened to see a commercial about strokes and one of the symptoms was headache. He got very scared and immediately jumped to the conclusion that because of the headache, he might have cancer (he missed the stroke part, but jumped to cancer instead). It took a while to reassure him that he did NOT have cancer or a stroke, and that the headache was just caused by all his activity that day. A few other things have happened too.... so we now have an agreement that we won't talk about anything that I think he might think is scary.

Please keep us all in your prayers. For healing for me, for strength and calmness for Kurtis, strength for Tom as he continues to be the rock in our family...

I'll work on a more cheery post for tomorrow. I promise!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, Annette. Thanks for the update. I've been thinking about you. Try not to feel guilty about Kurtis - what he is experiencing is very normal developmentally. As a family, we all howl at that ad now - we've all agreed that according to the symptoms, we're all have strokes. Simon is especially sensitive to that kind of thing ...
It would be nice if we could protect our kids from these fears, but we can't. Take solace from the fact that you are helping him face these fears in a sensitive and loving way ...

LBF

Anonymous said...

Dear Annette, KNOW that we are enveloping you, Tom, Kurtis and Ryan in prayer. Now, we just have a better idea on the specifics.
Love, Alice

Anonymous said...

HI Annette,
I have been almost 2 years out of chemo and Katie (8) still says that she needs chemo whenever she gets hurt. My boys still sometimes ask me if they will get cancer. They are 11 and 12 years old. I believe it is a typical feeling and fear for them. There is a really great book called "When parents have Cancer" and "Becky and the Tipping Cup" that helped my kids a lot. I find it very interesting that when the cancer issue in our kids pops up it hits the parents with full force. Nothing like taking it easy on us, huh? While difficult for us grown ups, it is very healthy and typical for our kids to display their feelings.

I'm sorry Kurtis has to feel the way he does. He's blessed to have you as his mom.

Hugs to you!

Stephanie

Mauzy said...

Hey you don't have to be upbeat with us, I am just glad to see you up again! Hugs to you, the boys and Tom, and know we always have you in our prayers. You were in my thoughts last night as I went to the basement to get some wine and saw those luscious bottles you brought! But they are too pretty to open! ((hugs))

Tara Marie said...

Annette....sending you lots of hugs. I am so glad that this was not as bad as past rounds, but hoping for easier ones like the 2nd to last....actually, I'm praying for no more rounds, that this battle will be won soon.

I'm so sorry about Kurtis showing these fears, and the books Stephanie suggested sound great.

Tell Tom he is an amazing man and we are so thankful he is your beloved.

All of my love.....TM

Nicole said...

Annette, I have been praying for Kurtis a lot since I had the privilege of meeting him in Indy. You guys are in my daily prayers. I love you! Nicole

Anonymous said...

You are all in our prayers every day...for strength, wellness, and peace... Keep taking great care of eachother... Jen