Monday, April 21, 2008

The Scarf

It was time to get rid of Annette’s clothes. Tom asked if I wanted anything before he got rid of the clothes, so I went through her closet. I often drop in and visit the closet when we go to Tom’s house. I like to look at and touch her clothes and remember. So, I was going through the clothes, taking some things for me to wear, taking some other things as mementos, and feeling OK about things. Some melancholy, (the maid-of-honour dress from my wedding). Some sweet memories, (the Mickey Mouse sweatshirt from our fabulous trip to Disneyworld).

Then I came upon the drawer. The second drawer from the top. Inside that drawer were all the head scarves that Annette wore. They stopped me in mid motion, hand left hanging in mid-air. I cursed each and every one as I moved them aside, one by one. I even said, “I hate you.” Like it was the scarves’ fault. Isn’t that a sight? A grown woman telling head scarves, “I hate you.” To me, at that moment, they symbolized her cancer. I felt pure hatred for the scarves.

But later that evening, I got to thinking about the scarves. About their purpose. About what they gave to Annette. About how the soft fabric protected her sweet head from getting cold. About how they provided her with some modesty and comfort in her home. About how she began to feel comfortable enough that she would sometimes wear them in public. The scarves actually provided comfort and security. They served their purpose well. So, in a way, I am grateful for the scarves.

Then I thought more of some “ugly” props in life. Walkers. Canes. Wheelchairs. Hospital beds. Yet they all have their place. Then the ugliest prop of all came to mind.

The cross. Roughly hewn. Crudely nailed or tied together. Shoved into the ground without a foundation, I’m sure. Ugly, like the head scarf. And yet, it has its purpose. A beautiful and grand purpose. The ugly prop, which never was beautiful, also served its purpose. And for that reason I need not hate the head scarf. Or the hospital bed. The walker or cane. Because the ugliest prop of all made all these other things not all that important. The cross made them just that… props.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Profound. Truly Profound.
Thank you for your insight.
Alice

Carolin Boer said...

Well written and insightful in the midst of your sadness. Thank you.

Nicole said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. You continue to teach us, just as your sister did. I miss her so very much!

Jeanne and Joshua said...

I'm so glad I stopped by today. When I'm on FaceBook, Annette's picture pops up as someone I might want to "friend." Everyday I want to click on her picture and hope I really could be her friend.

It's so good to read your words. She's proud of you - I just know she is.

Mauzy said...

I am awestruck. This is so beautiful Lisa. I remember her in her scarf when we were at the NDSS conference at Atlanta. She looked so at ease.....so Annette.

lots of love Lisa, and we miss you Annette...

mum2brady said...

Beautiful Lisa - just beautiful. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me today - I needed them.

Lisa said...

Lisa...what amazing insight you have shared and made us think about today...and then I think to myself...thank you Lord for helping Lisa and giving her this perspective to share with everyone. Actually, thank you angel Annette as I do believe sometimes when we least expect it, someone from above helps us through the rough times by giving us the right perspective that we may not have thought about before. Many HUGS!!

Michelle said...

Thanks for sharing your heart with us. Annette is missed by so many.

Tara Marie said...

Lisa....that was so moving an beautiful. Annette is smiling down from heaven at you, her very precious sister.

All my love.....and thank you for this amazing post.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful words from a beautiful soul. It seems like just yesterday that I was having an email conversation w/ Annette about scarves and how lovely they could be...
Many hugs to you.
Chris (Nana's mom)

Miss Magic said...

The first time I saw Annette she was wearing a scarf. She walked into Jan's hotel room in Atlanta, and I remember so clearly thinking "Wow, she's beautiful." The scarf highlighted her her smile and there was no hair to obscure her beauty. She walked with such purpose and love. I'm so glad you made peace with those props. Huge hugs. It must have been so painful to sort through those things.

Thora said...

What a wonderful insight you were given.So often we have a negative view of so called props instead of a thankful heart for what they do.

Thora said...

Hi. I thought you may like to meet some other bloggers and join in a game of tag.We are all on this life journey together and can be a support to one another.

Shannon @ Gabi's World said...

Wow! That was truly beautiful!