Saturday, February 21, 2009

Look Up

It's true. I wasn't sure I'd ever be saying that. But it's true.

Time does make wounds easier to wear. The intense ever-present pain slowly becomes replaced with a New Kind of Normal (this is the title of a good book that I read last year at this time that left me with many thoughts and appreciations). It is the perfect way to explain things. We are not back to normal. We will never again be that normal. But we have evolved into a new normal. The cloak is still present. But we are also warmed with blessings, happiness and joy. God is good. Always has been . Always will be.

But yet, there are times. My new kind of normal includes moments of difficult times. And I have discovered that the "times" that I am struggling with my heavy cloak are often because I'm not looking up.

It makes me think of the disciple Peter. When he stepped out of the boat, he was walking just fine. And then he thought twice about what he was doing. And then he looked down. He looked into himself and saw the hopelessnes of his situation. He got scared, and fast! And he began to sink. Panic. Fear. He must not have been that good of a swimmer! I used to wonder why he didn't just swim back to the boat and get back in. He couldn't have been that far away. But, I now understand: There is no turning back once you've started the journey.

So Peter is panicking and sinking and fearing and feeling hopeless. And Jesus is standing there offering his hand, a personal floatation device. And Peter is just fine. Restored. Forgiven and forgotten. Until the next time he forgets to look up. Hey, don't we all.

And indeed, sometimes I admit, I get sucked into the vortex of missing and longing. Of wishing the old normal back. Of just wanting to chat with Annette and Mom. And I start to sink. I've taken my eyes off the horizon and looked down at the water I am treading.

Thankfully, I have become quicker at noticing I'm sinking and am better able to re-focus my sightline up. Things are so much easier to bear when we have the perspective of His-tory. Our story is not over. Our connection is not severed. They are not gone forever. We will be together again. Of that, I am sure. In the meantime, I have a life full of people who love me. We are all enjoying health and happiness. We are blessed. We have much true happiness and joy. We love and are loved. And in the big picture, we are more than OK.

Peter learned this, too, although he was not a quick study either. I've never heard of Paula White before, but I like what she has to say about this story. And I will continue to remind my self to keep looking up.


Anonymous said...

Interesting how that cloak catches you... I have my own memories that catch me too - and so unexpectedly. Thanks for sharing your story.


Anonymous said...

Well said Lisa, His Grace is sufficient we just have to maintain the focus. You do look like time is easing things a little - it's great to see you smiling a little more easily :) If only the lessons didn't come at such a cost... but then again, the ultimate price has been paid & oh how sweet the reunions will be.
Thanks for your thoughtful bits - It makes me reminiscent of some of my own story - Rachel

All 4 My Gals said...

Lisa, your faith brings Annette right back into my life again. Thanks for sharing your heart and sharing your wisdom. Much love, Nicole