It's been an odd week. It's really amazing how much life just goes on - especially with two small children to take care of and to be strong for. I'm trying not to think too much about what's going on - and succeeding to a fairly good extent. Perhaps it's a form of self preservation - my brain giving me the time to process this at my speed (i.e. slowly). Perhaps it's also because we've been busy... or perhaps I've been keeping myself busy so I DON'T have to think about it. In any event, it's amazing how life has been going on fairly normally. We visited friends in Indiana on the weekend...went to African Lion Safari on Tuesday....visited with my sister, her children and my Dad on Wednesday....ran errands on Thursday and went to celebrate my niece's birthday today....
I am also starting too look at the many alternatives available to me.... and there are many. It's a bit overwhelming as there really are a ton of choices! I have received many, many suggestions over the past year and I am thankful to all the people who provided me with that information. My analytical and organizational brain is going to make a list of all my options - together with pros and cons - so I can see it all in one place. Please pray that God will lead me to the right choices.
And I do have my moments, don't get me wrong. I am human, after all. My faith is taking a bit of a beating - it isn't always strong. I feel like I'm taking a bit of beating too. Sometimes it feels like God isn't there or isn't listening. I do remind myself that God is holding me close, even though sometimes I don't feel it - and lately I don't always feel that God is listening. I'm reminded of that poem, "Footprints" in which the poet, throughout his life saw two sets of footprints walking on the sand. At the end of his life, he could see that there were times where there was only one set of footprints - and this was at the lowest times in his life. When he asked God why that was, God replied that those times where when God carried him. So I remind myself that right now, there is only one set of footprints as I'm truly unable to walk by myself. I was also comforted this week by a vist from my pastor. It was wonderful to talk to him about what we're going through, my faith and God's place in this situation.
I'm rambling a bit again as my thoughts are all over the place. Please keep me and my family in your prayers. Pray for wisdom as we work through the various options available to us; pray for comfort and for God's presence; and pray for strength to go about our day-to-day activities.